


Remember Today

by AMidnightDreary



Series: Whumptober 2019 [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asgardian Tony Stark, BAMF Loki (Marvel), BAMF Tony Stark, Evil Odin (Marvel), Homophobia, M/M, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Protective Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 09:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20864129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: Loki attends the execution of his lover.





	Remember Today

**Author's Note:**

> Looks like I'm doing Whumptober, folks. (Just ignore that I'm already a day late.) I probably won't manage to do every prompt on my list, but I'll try!
> 
> **Day 1:**Shaking Hands

It was too loud. That was the only thing Loki could think about. Well, that and how tightly he had to clutch at his own pants to keep his hands from shaking. He had always had that problem - every time he got uncertain or anxious, his damned hands just wouldn’t stay still. He was known for his fidgeting hands by now, but keeping them in front of him and wringing them a bit was better than just letting them _ shake. _

Right now, fidgeting didn’t help anymore. 

He was sitting on the high terrace of the arena, right there where the second prince belonged: next to the queen, while the crown prince was sat next to the king. Both Frigga and Odin were awfully silent, and not even Thor showed a sign of his usual enthusiasm for these sort of games. It didn’t matter how loud it was in the rest of the arena, the silence between the members of the royal family was even louder. 

Loki ignored the preliminaries. He just kept staring straight forward while various warriors threw themselves at each other, he ignored the war cries and clashing weapons and the blood. He didn’t even _ notice _ most of that. But he couldn’t ignore the loud cheering of the Aesir who didn’t have to fight, and it made him sick to the stomach. If he hadn’t thrown up right before leaving the privacy of his rooms this morning, he probably wouldn’t have been able to keep himself in check right now. As it was, his stomach was, thankfully, empty. 

They all thought that this was just a merry sports event to pass the time. They didn’t know that this wasn’t a tournament like the others, that this wasn’t a _ game. _

This was an execution.

Loki closed his eyes when the thought hit him again. When he opened them again, he looked down at his shaking hands, and wondered if his family had noticed. Wondered how many others had noticed that their pale second prince looked even paler today, that he smiled even less. He doubted that any of the other Aesir even looked at him long enough to notice. The only Aesir who _ would _ have looked - and seen - didn’t sit around on the tribunes today. He hadn’t even seen Loki in several weeks.

He only raised his head again when his father moved. Odin stood up and stepped forward, Gungnir in his hand. Today, he only carried it for ceremonial purposes, and every single Aesir in the arena fell silent when the king stomped his spear on the floor. Loki couldn’t hear his father’s announcement. He couldn’t hear anything anymore. His own heartbeat was too loud, and the dusty air constrained his chest, made it hard to breathe.

Odin didn’t even glance at Loki when he returned to his seat, and Loki didn’t bother to look at him, either. Loki knew where he stood, now. He and Odin didn’t have anything to discuss, not even with looks. 

Anthony was the first to enter the arena. Loki’s eyes went wide when he saw him, and he nearly slid forward to the edge of his seat, wanting to get _ closer. _ Oh gods, he looked so thin. Loki had tried everything he could to make sure that Anthony would get enough food over the last weeks, but now it was obvious that Loki hadn’t even managed _ that. _ Anthony looked like he hadn’t had a proper meal in ages. His hair was shorter than he liked; they had probably cut it before throwing him into the arena. He was wearing his own armour, at least, and carried his own weapon. His steps were slow and measured, but not weak, and the look in his eyes was the same. Fierce determination, as if there was _ anything _ left he could do. As if he still had a chance to win.

Having arrived in the middle of the arena, Anthony turned to look up to where the king was sitting, and bowed. Deep enough that it bordered on ridicule, which it probably was. _ What are you doing? _ Loki wanted to ask him, he wanted to go down and shake him until some sort of sense moved into his stubborn head. _ Why are you still here? _

A few days after Anthony had been brought back to his house, which had quickly become his prison, Loki had arranged everything. There had been a discreet - and very well paid - merchant and a ship that would have brought Anthony to Alfheimr, where he would have been _ safe _. Safe from Odin, safe from the Aesir, safe from Loki. 

Anthony had refused to go.

And now he stood there, grinning widely even though he _ knew _ that he would die today. Loki didn’t understand how he could do that. He had never understood that. When _ Loki _ was in danger, his face became absolutely blank. That was better than obvious fear, but he still had to learn how to grin at somebody who wanted to see him dead. (He would be very, very good at that in a few years, but he didn’t know that yet.)

“Well, I am ready,” Anthony called up to Odin, sounding completely unbothered. Cheerful, even. “And we don’t want to make anyone wait now, do we?”

Odin didn’t say anything, but he waved his hands, and so it began.

Anthony needed to fight himself through more than a handful of opponents before he would stand face to face with the one that had been chosen to kill him. Loki spent the next hour watching as assaillant after assailant lunged at his lover, and at the end of that hour his hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t even hope to hide that anymore.

Anthony was just a few decades older than Loki, but he was the best sword fighter in Asgard. He had forged his weapon himself, a thin and long sword that was much stronger and deadlier than it looked. Loki had seen him slice enemies to pieces with that sword, and he saw it again now. Anthony still held back - saving his strength for his last fight - but he _ eliminated _ everyone his sword could reach. 

But Loki knew him too well. He had watched him too often. He could see the signs of exhaustion, of recklessness - Anthony was drained and angry, and he could grin and taunt as much as he liked, Loki wasn’t fooled. Anthony knew that this was the end just as well as Loki did.

Anthony was granted a short pause after this first phase was over. The crowd was absolutely wild; they had always loved watching Anthony fight. He was one of their favorites, even though he wasn’t _ actually _ a gladiator. He was just a weaponsmith and a friend of the princes, but the latter alone was enough to raise his status. 

If they had known that Anthony was so much _ more _ than just a friend of the younger prince, they wouldn’t have cheered for him anymore. They would have cheered for his opponents. 

Loki closed his eyes again. He and Anthony had been lovers for almost a century now. Already in the beginning, Loki had known that it wouldn’t end well, that they wouldn’t manage to keep it a secret forever, but he had been naive and _ in love _ enough to do it anyway. Now that they had been found out, he regretted that he had ever talked to Anthony at all. If Loki had refused him, Anthony wouldn’t be in such danger today. If Loki had spoken up instead of letting Anthony take all the blame, he wouldn’t be in such danger today, either. 

But Loki hadn’t spoken up. He had just stood there and stared, stared at Anthony as he had grinned and explained that he had _ forced Loki to _ \- and Loki hadn’t said anything. He had known that it wouldn’t have made a difference, no matter if Anthony had come up with his story on his own or if the Allfather had forced him to tell those lies. This had been Odin’s plan since the very second he had learned of their _ activities _ , he would have sent Anthony to the arena even if Loki had said that he hadn’t been forced to do anything. Loki knew that now, too, but he couldn’t help but think that he should have done _ something. _ Anything. Anything would have been better than just standing there and allowing his Anthony to take the hit for him. Maybe, if he had just been insistent enough, loud enough, _ good enough _, he could have changed places with Anthony. Maybe they could have both been banished; that would have been better than this. 

He could have gone to the market place and screamed it at everybody listening, then Odin wouldn’t have had a choice.

_ Don’t say a word, _ Frigga had said, her eyes pleading. _ Don’t say anything. Let him be punished, you will find someone else. Someone better. _

Someone female, she had meant to say.

Loki forced himself to take a breath and open his eyes again. Never, not once in his life, had he felt this small before. And for the first time, he actually believed what everybody always said - the younger prince truly was a coward.

When Anthony reported for the second and last phase of his execution, he looked no less tired, no less angry than before. He just stood there and waited for his opponent to enter the arena, and when they did, he looked up and, for the first time in weeks, met Loki’s gaze with his own.

Or tried to, anyway. Loki didn’t notice.

He was too busy staring at Sif, who was walking toward Anthony with a satisfied lightness to her step. _ Sif. _ She was carrying two short swords Loki had never seen her with before, so he assumed that she had been gifted them by the Allfather. Loki had expected that much. Because, while Anthony could have beaten every other warrior in Asgard - he had even bested Thor in sparring now and then -, he didn’t stand a chance against a weapon that the Allfather had destined to be his downfall. Odin wanted these swords to kill Anthony and so they would, no matter how well Anthony fought.

But why did it have to be _ Sif? _

She was one of the best warriors in Asgard, no doubt. Better than the Warriors Three. But she had also never been Anthony’s friend, just like she had never been Loki’s, and she wouldn’t hold back. Hel, she had probably _ volunteered _ for this.

The last hope Loki had had, the last thing he had _ wished _ for, had been that Anthony could have fought a friend. Someone who wouldn’t enjoy hurting him. Hogun, perhaps, or Fandral. But of course Odin didn’t even allow Anthony that. No, Odin wanted to see Anthony _ die, _ nothing more. He wanted to see him slaughtered, not even because he believed Anthony’s story, not even because he was enraged on his youngest son’s behalf. Oh, Odin knew that Loki hadn’t been _ forced. _ He knew everything, Loki didn’t doubt that. And in truth, Odin didn’t care about Anthony, not at all. He didn’t want to see him dead because he thought death was the just punishment for _ Anthony. _

Odin wanted to see him dead because he thought that Anthony’s death was the just punishment for _ Loki. _

_ Remember today, _ he had told Loki this morning, his eyes very cold. _ Remember today, and do not bring shame on us like that again. _

Loki’s breathing evened about twenty minutes after Anthony and Sif had started fighting. Then, close to the end, when Anthony’s sword was out of his reach and the tip of Sif’s blade already touched his throat, Loki’s hands stopped shaking.

He disappeared from his seat, and reappeared in the arena, directly behind Sif. She let go of her swords when a dagger pierced through her armour. Loki didn’t have to do more than pull his dagger out of her back again and push her to the side; now she wouldn’t hurt Anthony anymore.

Anthony lay on the ground, his hands still raised, but Loki didn't look at him. He looked at Odin.

"I will not allow this to happen," he called up to his father, his voice loud and clear in the shocked silence that had fallen over the arena. "I recede from my status as Prince of Asgard. I renounce my titles and all my rights, and I accept my banishment and swear that I will never set foot on Asgardian ground again."

He made a pause and waits for his father's reaction. After a moment, Odin nods.

"Remember today, _ father _," Loki continues, "because I also swear that, if you ever try to harm my lover again, I will not hesitate to harm you in return."

Shock and confusion rippled through the crowd, as if Loki had thrown a stone into a calm lake. He could positively feel the reactions, could hear some say _ Did he say lover? _ and some claim _ I knew it _, but he did not care about any of that. He didn't even care about Odin's answering nod, or the anguish in his mother's eyes. Not anymore.

Loki turned away from them, and toward Anthony. He brought them both away, using almost too much magic to get them out of Asgard. They landed in a forest somewhere in Vanaheim. It was silent there; Loki couldn't hear anything except the rustling of leaves and water somewhere near.

"Loki," Anthony whispered. He was still lying on the ground, dirty and bloody and still so thin.

Loki stared at him for a second, then fell to his knees next to him. "You're injured," he said, eyes flickering over Anthony's body. "Where?"

"_ Loki _," Anthony said again, but Loki ignored him.

He basically ripped Anthony's pants off, almost laughing when it made him think of all the times he did that before, just for a very different and much nicer reasons. Anthony let him, and didn't protest when Loki ran his hands over Anthony's wounded leg. The wound that had made him fall. Loki wasn't a very good healer, but he healed Anthony anyway.

His hands were shaking again.

"I'm fine, Loki," Anthony told him quietly, his voice hoarse.

"No, you are not. I can -" Loki made himself take a breath. "I am not entirely sure where we are. Stay here, I will see if there is a village somewhere near. I can hunt something, you - you need to eat. I will -"

"I know," Anthony said, sitting up. "I _ know _ that you will take care of me, Loki. But take a moment to calm down."

"I _ am _ calm," Loki said, a little too sharply. 

Anthony took his hands and held them until they stopped shaking, and then he pulled Loki into a fierce hug. Loki closed his suddenly stinging eyes and wrapped his arms around his oldest friend, his _ lover. _

The only one he had left, now.

"I nearly let you die," Loki whispered, voice breaking. "I would have - I would have sat there and _ watched _ , and you... I'm so sorry. Please - _ please _ , if you can, forgive me. _ Forgive me. _"

Anthony made a soothing noise and pulled back, bringing his hands up to each side of Loki's face to keep him from looking away. "There is nothing to forgive," he told him firmly. "You saved my life today. You gave up everything for me -"

"A step I should have taken long ago. It is my fault you -"

"Shh," Anthony interrupted, shaking his head. "No. It's _ not _ your fault, and I never blamed you. I blame Odin, and nobody else."

Loki stared at him for a long moment, and then he nodded. Anthony have him a smile and hugged him again, resting his forehead on Loki's shoulder. Concerned, Loki ran his hands over Anthony's back. He needed to take care of him now, get him back onto his feet after these awful last weeks. Loki could do that. He _ would _ do that.

"We're on the run now," he said, quietly. "I have no idea where to go."

"Oh, that's easy," Anthony muttered, sounding like he was about to fall asleep. No wonder, he was probably exhausted. "We'll go wherever we want to go."

  



End file.
